Against the Wind
by Greaser4life
Summary: The rain soaked through my dress coat.    I shivered, but I knew it wasn't from the cold.    Darry's arm found its way around my shoulders and his hand squeezed it real tight. I knew it was supposed to reassure me but at the same time, I think he was also trying to keep me close.    After all, we were all we had left now.
1. Preface

Enjoy.

Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders, but the plot is mine.

Dedication-To my beta reader Golden. Rebels. Thanks girl, I couldn't do this without you!

* * *

><p>"<em>We cannot be sure of having something to live for, if we are not willing to die for it." Che Guavara <em>

PREFACE.

The rain soaked through my dress coat.

I shivered, but I knew it wasn't from the cold.

Darry's arm found its way around my shoulders and his hand squeezed it real tight. I knew it was supposed to reassure me but at the same time, I think he was also trying to keep me close.

After all, we were all we had left now.

"Let us pray." The preacher said, bowing his head. I didn't though, I had nothing to say to God.

"Lord grant this family comfort." He began, and I watched the small group of people that was gathered around a grave stone. Thats all we had left of our brother - that, and some dog tags.

His body had never been found.

The people weren't crying, but they looked awful sad. I wondered vaguely how I looked to them, but than I found that I didn't care because I didn't know a single one of them. Some had came up to me at the beginning of the service, offering an "Oh I'm so sorry for your loss." I did my best to ignore them.

"Pony," I heard Darry whisper to me softly, gaining my full attention. "Lets go."

He didn't have to tell me twice.

Two-bit caught Darry's eye as we were leaving, and followed suit. We had no more business here. That grave stone wasn't Sodapop, nor was it going to bring him back.

Soda was dead, killed in Vietnam.

The car ride back home was silent, just like it had been every day since receiving that letter. Funny that a letter held such a heavy impact on our lives; but that was how the government sent bad news, apparently; through the mail.

Miss. Matthews had the kitchen packed with food that no one would eat. "Thank you ma'am," Darry had said, "it means so much to us."

She clicked her tongue and fought back tears, sending a lump to my own throat. "Not a problem at all." She whispered waving a hand in front of her face and pulling Darry into a hug. I heard him clear his throat and watched him hug her back. I walked away once I noticed his shoulders start to shake, seeing my oldest brother break down wasn't something I was too keen on watching.

He was a rock, and that rock was crumbling fast.

Two-bit was sitting on the couch next to his sister Martha, his hand was on the back of her head buy they both looked up when they saw me. "How ya doin', kid?" Two-bit asked gently. I shrugged, like had for the last two weeks, sinking down into Darry's arm chair. I felt tears start to rise but I fought them back bitterly. I wasn't going to cry. Crying mean't that I accepted the fact that my best friend, my brother was gone from me forever; it meant that he had broken the only promise that really mattered. That was not okay. Two-bit cleared his throat, waking me out of my thoughts. "Martha, why don't you go see if mom needs help cleaning up." He told his sister. The springs in the couch gave out a low moan as she stood up; Martha wasn't the skinniest girl in the world. He waited until she was out of the room before he turned back to me.

"You gotta talk to someone, Pony." He stated flatly. "This, what your doing is not healthy."

I looked at him, and sighed. "I'm not doing anything." I stretched my feet out in front of me and ran a hand threw my hair.

Two-bit was quiet for a minute, and I was glad. I wasn't really in the mood to deal with him at the moment, a serious Two-bit Matthews was never a real joy. Besides, I was too busy trying to figure out how to began life again. How to go about my day knowing that Sodapop wasn't going to be around. Ever. The very thought of it depressed me even more. I felt my chest tighten and my breath began coming out in little gasps.

I heard Darry start talking, and it didn't register that it was to me until he was standing in front of me, his arms crossed. I looked up at him, and his face went from mad to worried in a split second. "Pone." He said more than asked, and I noticed how red his eyes looked. His voice was still thick from crying and I tried to swallow the lump returning to my own throat.

"I'm okay, Dar." I snapped a little irritated. He didn't say anything else, just stood there staring at me, making me feel trapped. "Gonna go for a walk." I mumbled, standing up and pushing myself past Darry.

He made no motion to stop me.

The rain had stopped falling, but the sun was still nowhere to be seen. I didn't bother grabbing a jacket, so the wind hit me like angry waves. The neighborhood was eerily quiet, almost as if the whole town was in mourning. The atmosphere had a different feel to it, but not in a good way.

Nothing would ever be the same without Sodapop Curtis.

I wasn't sure where I was going until I ended up at the lake near the park. It wasn't pretty. The flowers that usually grew to the far right were dead from the cold, the water looked a little green, and there were no ducks or lovers spread out on a blanket.

Everything was dull, lifeless.

I heard someone coming up behind me, but I didn't bother turning around. I just kept my gaze on the lake. I surprised myself when I almost hoped it was someone looking for a fight. I was bitter and angry at everyone for just a second, and I wondered if that was how Dallas felt.

If it was, I understood why he did the things he did.

"Hey man." The fimilar voice said, and Curly Shepard stepped up next to me. I nodded my greeting. "Look, I'm sorry to hear about your brother," I smelt smoke as he said this, and my fingers itched for a cigarette, "real shame, he was a cool guy."

I turned to him and looked at him for a minute. I had been hearing the same line over and over for the past two weeks, and I was sick of it. Most people just said it to say it, because that was the polite thing to do. But I knew Curly meant it.

Because the Shepard boys don't beat around the bush.

"Thanks, man." I told him, as he patted me on my back, and I dug in my pockets for a cigarette.

"Anytime."


	2. Chapter One

School was hard.

Everyone I looked at met my eye with that one look. The look that said, I know what happened to your brother. Just like when Johnny died, I got the same stares.

I was like a damn car wreck, everyone just had to catch a glimpse of me.

The teachers didn't complain when my homework assignments didn't show up for the first two weeks. Nor did they call home when I would happen to miss a few days here and there.

That was until it continued.

"He'll try harder." Darry had told my principle when the school had called for a conference while looking at me with an expression that couldn't be read.

I turned my gaze to my feet.

"See to it that he does. I'd hate to see such a bright young man fall victim to society." I laughed when he said this, it honestly sounded so stupid I couldn't help it.

But the sad part was I didn't find it funny in the least.

Later that day I was sitting on the hood of Curly's old Buick, smoking a cigarette. I had just told him about the conference at school.

"Thats shit man," he said, taking a swig of the beer he had lifted from the drug store we were sitting in front of. "I miss school all the time, and no one calls my folks." I just looked him, and he barked out a laugh. "Yeah I know Curtis I'm a lost cause."

We both watched a group of giddy girls make their way into the store, stealing glances of me and Curly every step of the way.

"You still datin' that chick Cathy?" he asked, passing me his beer. I took it and downed the rest of it before I answered.

Cathy and I had started dating a couple months after I had turned 16. She was very perceptive and razor sharp, and she kept me on my toes. Darry thought she was just right for me and joked that she would make me use my head since I can't ever seem to do it on my own. We had some fun times, and I had a lot of firsts with her. But when Soda's letters started coming in fewer and fewer at a time, I start concentrating on them, trying to depict any and everything I could from them - it caused me to spend less and less time with her.

And than Sodapop died.

"No man, that ended a while back." I said, watching a car drive by, willing myself not to think about any of it anymore.

He didn't say anything, just nodded and lit a cigarette.

Thats why I like Curly so much, he knew how to let somethings be.

"I gotta run to York Street and make a delievery," Curly said suddenly, sliding off the hood of his car. "Wanna join?" I shrugged and followed him. I had nothing better to do.

We drove to York Street in silence, there just wasn't much to say when I knew we were headed over to make a drug deal. I thought of Darry at home, and how if he knew I was in the same car with drugs he would skin me alive. But than again, Darry knew that if your last name was Shepard your first is usually trouble; and still he doesn't say anything about me hanging around Curly.

Darry could be awful confusing.

Pulling up to the house I noticed how out of place Curly's Buick looked among the silver Mustang's and Station Wagon's. Though the neighborhood wasn't exactly Soc terriority, it wasn't far off either. The house was two-stories, with blue siding and a long walkway leading up to the front door. I saw flower pots lining the inner windows and took in the small garden to the left. The driveway was paved with black asphalt. It looked so dark compared to the rest of the house, it looked funny to me.

Curly pushed his door open and told me to stay put. I nodded and rolled my window down, lighting up a cigarette. The weather was still chilly, but the sun that was shinning down made it bearable. I watched Curly knock on the door and slip inside quickly. I sunk lower in my seat and chewed the end of my cigarette. I was tired, exhausted almost, not having a full nights sleep in months.

All thanks to the nightmares.

I was comtemplating the odds of catching a quick nap before Curly returned when another car pulled up just in front of the Buick. I watched two teenage girls step out. They were cute, the brown headed girl a little more than the red head, and they both looked at me. The dark haired girl walking up to the car.

I sent her a little wave and tossed my smoke out the window.

"Are you waiting on my brother?" she asked, bending down to get a good look at me. Her perfume drifted into the car and it smelt good.

I shook my head and shrugged. "Not really, I'm waiting on my friend who's here to see someone." I watched her smile slowly slip off her face and she crinkled her eye brows. But she didn't say anything, which surprised me, she just nodded and turned back to her friend who was talking with the driver of the car they had arrived in.

The dark haired girl took one last look at me before finally heading into her house. She passed Curly halfway and I watched him give her a wink.

Curly was pissed.

"I don't know what he's up too, but christ I know hes up to something." He said, rambling like he had for about an hour now. We were in my room, suppose to be working on homework, but even Darry laughed at that one.

"Yeah, when that kid does homework, I'll grow breasts." He had barked out, before heading to his own room to do whatever Darry does.

Curly threw a book at me, bringing me back to reality. "I mean it, Curtis, hes hiding somethin' I can just tell,"-he pointed a finger at me-"ask me how I know."

"How do you know, Curly?" I stated flatly.

Curly jumped up suddenly and started pacing. I just starred at him. "He said he'd get back to me, that bastard has never said that before."

"You lost me."

"I'm his guy," he told me, "he buys from me." Curly said, jabbing his chest with his thumb, he flopped back down on the bed and lit a cigarette. "My terrority is from York to Sutton, and no ones s'pose to sell nothin' in that area." I nodded even though I doubted he was paying any attention to me anymore. "I gotta figure it out, and when I do, I'ma kill whoever is takin' my business." Curly's voice was harsh and cold, and it made me shiver a little.

I knew the Shepard boys were wild, have for a long time, but still they sometimes surprise even me.


	3. Chapter Two

Thank you for all the reviews, please continue to read and, well, review.

Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders, but the plot and any other characters are mine.

Dedicated: To my beta Golden. Rebel. seriously, I love you for this.

* * *

><p>Chapter Two.<p>

_"A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy." Jean Racine._

I got high for the first time the day I got kicked off the track team.

I was mad, pissed really, and Curly caught me walking home in a huff.

"Whoa, slow your jets baby Curtis." He had said pulling up beside me in his car. I walked around the hood and yanked the door open, sinking into the cracked leather seats.

"Its all shit man!" I yelled, grabbing the pack of smokes that were seated on the open space next to me. I pulled one out and lite it.

"What the hell happened?" Curly asked, punching the exclerator, I was too mad to ask where we were going, and honestly I didn't really care.

"Coach kicked me off the track team, said I had to get my grades up." I spat, sucking my cigarette. "What the hell am I gonna tell Darry?"

Curly flipped the radio on and shrugged, "Don't tell him."

I looked out at the passing run down houses, and broken mail boxes, feeling a fimilar feeling of what felt like fire raise up from my stomach.

"Oh ya, real simple, just cause your parents don't give a shit, doesn't mean Darry won't care." It was a low blow, even for me, and I regretted as soon as I said it. But Curly surprised me when he laughed.

"Oh man, your so pissed," He slammed his brakes on as the light turned red. I caught myself on the dashboard. "Lucky for you, I got somethin' that'll help." He pointed to the glove box and told me to open it. When I did, I frowned.

"Fuck you Curly, condoms an't gonna help me none."

"The joint Ponyboy," he said, grinning wider, "get the joint." I felt my eyes widen a little but I complied nonetheless.

I coughed and cursed first time the smoke hit my lungs.

It burned but I continued to smoke it, and eventually I started to forget why I was so mad.

"Shits good huh." Curly said more than asked as I passed the joint to him. I shrugged, and looked up at my house.

I can honestly say that getting high in my backyard, with Darry inside was one of the weridest things I have ever done.

The thought seemed funny to me, actually it seemed hilarious. "What the hell you laughin' at Curtis?" Curly asked, laughing too. I rubbed my eyes and told him. Which only made us laugh harder.

It was getting dark when I swung the screen door open and let it slam behind me, whisling all the way. I wasn't as buzzed as I was earlier but I could still feel a little bit of it still kicking around in my head.

"Where ya been, Pony?" Darrys voice asked, drifting in from the kitchen. I froze a minute and realized how much it bothered me that he knew who it was without even looking. But than I noticed Two-Bit sprawled out on the couch, and remember that there wasn't anyone else it could be.

I made my way to the bathroom, mumbling and "Out." I still smelt the pot on my clothes, even after sitting outside for as long as I did. I noticed Two-Bit stiffen as I walked by. I heard him call my name in a low tone; but I ignored him.

Later, I was sitting at the table keeping my eyes on my fried chicken and greenbeans. Darry sat in front of me, looking over some letters from the mail.

"You tired or somethin' Pone?" He asked, and I laughed aggitated.

"Ya real tired since I had to walk half way home today."

Darry dropped his fork and it smashed into his plate loudly. He muttered a "Damnit," and a "I"m real sorry I forgot...again, Ponyboy." I set my own fork down and sighed.

"Its fine, your just real busy." My voice was sarcastic, and harsh.

"No, its no excuse I should have-" I cut him off by sliding my chair back loudly.

"I said its fine." I made my way out of the kitchen heading to my room. I didn't want to hear his excuses.

I knew it wasn't his fault that he had so much to remember, but it sure as hell wasn't like I had asked for our parents to die. I felt my chest tighten and my throat close.

Because no matter how bad I tried to ignore the thought, I knew that if Soda was here I wouldn't be forgotten.

XXX

I looked up at Curly and frowned.

"No." I stated flately.

"Come on Curtis, when do I ever ask you for a favor?"

"All the damn time."

"Touche," he complied, "but I would owe you big time man." He lifted the sunglasses over his head and pointed them at me. "A couple dates, thats all I ask for." I stared at him, and grounded my smoke with the heal of my shoe.

"Why me?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. "Ask her out yourself, after all your the one who wants to know so bad." He groaned loudly and lifted his hands to the sky.

"You know your so goddamn dense for someone so fuckin' smart." He snapped, and I stood sending him a wave as I started to walk away.

"Catch ya around, Shepard."

"Wait!" he yelled, jogging lightly to catch up with me. "Look, I can't do it myself, he knows me, and if hes hidin' somethin' from me..well," I gave him a bored look but he simply threw open the school doors and shot me another look. "Just a couple dates, talk to her brother see where he gets his stash from and batta bing, batta boom, your done."

"I dunno Curly-" He cut me off with his hand.

"Think bout it, baby Curtis."

I rolled my eyes and headed off to my own class.

"An F," I whispered, holding the test with shaky hands. "But I studied." I licked my lips and looked up to the the teacher who was walking by. She gave me a symbathic look, and smiled lightly.

"You'll do better next time, hon." She said, like she had the last test, and the one before that.

I put my head down and groaned; I was screwed.


	4. Chapter Three

Thank you so much for the reviewers and the readers so far.

Please continue to read and review.

Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns what she owns and everything else is mine.

Dedicated: To Golden. Rebel...actually, this whole story is dedicated to you :)

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><p>Chapter Three.<p>

_"Now those memories come back to haunt me, and they haunt me like a curse." Bruce Springsteen._

When I first saw it sitting neatly with the others, I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was from him. I felt a spark of electricity run through my body and I quickly grabbed it up, my eyes scanning it quickly.

But like it always did, reality seemed to sucker punch me.

I grasped the letter tightly in my hands, and still felt them shake. I thought vaguely that maybe I shouldn't have smoked another joint with Curly after school, it was really starting to mess with my head. His sloppy cursive was scribbled on the envelope, and I could feel the thick letters burried beneath it.

I took a deep breath and headed back inside.

Darry wasn't home, I hadn't seen him in a couple of days to be honest. It was like I lived alone in this house, only my nightmares and headaches to keep me company.

"Damn you, Steve." I mumbled to myself, and threw the letter on the coffee table. My mind started to race and I felt my breath coming out in little gasps.

I had done good, not thinking about Soda and that damn war for a couple of months now; and one letter from Steve and all my hard work goes down the drain. I paced slowly back and forth, going over the pros and cons of opening and reading what Sodas best friend had to say. On one hand I didn't want to know what kind of hell he was going through, but on another he was Steve; family.

I sighed, and snatched the letter back up, slipping my finger under the thin edge and pulling it open.

I gave in.

Like I did every time.

XXX

"That one," Curly said, blowing smoke in my face. I squinted, and looked in the direction of his head nod. "The broad with the brown hair."

The girl from the a couple of weeks ago popped into my line of vision as I rubbed one eye, and I remembered how her perfume had smelt as she leaned into the car window. She had her hair pulled high on her head now, twirling the tennis racket in her hands talking to the couch outside of the main gym.

"Ask her to the Dairy Queen, take her to the ribbon, hell bang her 'till the cows come home," Curly said, looking at me pointedly. "Just figure out her brother, ya dig?"

"And what if I can't?" I asked, feeling the cool breeze blow around me, I shivered absentmindedly.

"That is not an option Curtis."

I sighed and pushed the sunglasses higher on my nose. "What if she doesn't want to go out with me in the first place, huh Curly?" I asked, turning to look at him. "Ever thought about that?" He chuckled and took another drag of his cigarette.

"Christ man, do you even own a mirror? I think every girl in this whole damn school would jump at the chance to go with you." He smiled and punched me lightly on the arm. "Hell kid, you play your cards right and ask me nice, I might even consider it." I sent him a blank look, and fished in my own pocket for a cigarette.

"Fine," I said flatly and Curly grinned a little wider, "I'll do it, but only a couple of dates." I paused and considered everything for a moment before looking ahead. "You owe me."

"Well alrighty then." Curly jumped off the hood of his car and walked around to the drivers side. "Gotta get ready for the party tonight, you in?"

I thought about and shrugged, I had nothing better to do. Darry would be working late again tonight, he had given me some excuse last night about having to catch up on work that has fallen behind. He said that he was sorry for leaving me home so much. I didn't bother telling him that, I too was staying clear of that house as much as I could. The pain of losing my brother was more evident there, and I knew Darry felt it too.

"I'll make a hood outta you man, just wait and see." I rolled my eyes, and took my spot in the passenger seat.

We drove in silence for a while before Curly finally broke it.

"How you doin' man?" he asked his voice taking a concerned side to it. I tossed a half smoked cigarette out the window and looked at my hands.

"I'm fine, why?" I didn't wait for him to answer me. "I'm always fine."

Curly snorted and made a sharp left. "Your anything but fine Curtis. You've been actin' weird these past couple of days..." His sentence trailed off but all I could do was shrug. I didn't have the right words to tell him that I felt like everything was falling apart. That a letter from half way across the world had shattered the walls that I was carefully building up. No, I couldn't tell him that, he wouldn't understand.

He wasn't Johnny, I wouldn't expect him to understand.

So I spoke the language that I knew any Shepard would adhear to. "Damn, Curly I'm just ready to party."

Later on that night, I lost my virginity to a girl in a Tulsa state sweat shirt.

I was drunk, or well on my way to being it when I had to hit the john. I excused myself from the group of guys that were gathered around a poker game, and pushed myself threw the sea of people that had accumulated at Curly's house. I finally reached the bathroom, and lucky for me it was open.

I was finishing up, when this girl stumbles in.

"S'cuse me." She slurred, wrinkling her eyebrows and looking at me through glossy eyes. I turned to try and cover myself, quickly trying to get my zipper up, and not blush too deeply.

"Oh, your cute!" She suddenly shrieked, slamming the bathroom door shut and even from all the noise in the next room, I still remember the distinct sound of the lock clicking. "Lets have some fun."

Curly's words from earlier came crashing back to me, and I couldn't help but think maybe he was right.

Before I knew it she had me seated on the toilet seat, her legs straddled around my own and her mouth on mine. I knew in my head that this was wrong, but my body was on auto pilot. Every part of me just knew what to do, where to touch, and for how long.

When I was younger I use to think about my first time being something special-and not a quicky in the bathroom to a girl I didn't know the name of.

But life had a sick way of messing with you.

And boy, did it like messing with me.


	5. Chapter Four

Sorry it took so long to update, in the process of moving.

Hope you enjoy, please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders.

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><p>Chapter four.<p>

_"He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery_

She sipped her coke and looked up at me.

I smiled sheepishly and continued to toy with the straw wrapper.

It was awkward as hell to say the least, and I made a mental note to kick Curly's ass the next time I saw him.

"You know, I'm kinda nervous," she said, blushing a bit, "when you asked me out, I thought that it was a joke."

I looked at my hands, they itched for a cigarette. "Well, I'm glad you said yes." I mumbled, thinking that I really wish she had said no. She smiled, and I started to feel quilty.

We were both quite for a few seconds and I took a deep breath. "So you, uh, play tennis?" Her blue eyes widened a bit at the question but softened and she nodded.

"I guess you could say that." Was her response and it surprised me, I guess she could tell too because she placed her hands down on the table and sighed. "I mean, yes, I do play tennis."

Shrugging, I looked down at the menu and back at her. "Hungry?"

"Not really, you?" I laughed, throwing in an 'always'. She smiled a little brighter and it reached her her eyes.

"Well than, I guess I could go for something too."

Dinner passed quickly and I realized that she was easy to talk to. She wasn't over bearing like most girls, and actually let me get a word in here and there. Cathy had been too strong willed to allow anyone else to have an opinion. Cathy's word was always final.

Connie was her name, and I found out that she was a junior in high school, making her a couple of months younger than me. She had two twin sisters, and a brother named Jonathan who was in his freshman year of college and, as she told me, aparently not doing too well.

"He's a smart boy." She had said, tossing the fry back down on her plate. I thought she would elaborate on that, but she didn't. The waiter came by with the check and we left.

I opened the door for her like I was always taught. I remember my mother never touched a door knob or the car handle. She would stand frozen in her place until one of us boys caught on. Most of the time it was Darry, Soda and I were usually to absorbed into whatever we were doing at the time to notice.

She thanked me and slipped into Curly's Buick he had lent me for the occasion. I climbed into my own seat after that and slowly cranked the key in the ignition, only when I did - nothing happened.

Not one damn thing.

"Uh oh." I mumbled, turning the key again and again. Still all was silent from the motor. I dropped my hand from the keys and leaned back in my seat sheepishly.

She laughed a little. "Well, we could always walk?" It was an innocent suggestion, but it made my stomach burn with anger.

"Damnit Curly." I muttered, opening my door and following suit with hers. "I don't mind calling my brother or something," I stammered as she climbed out of the car. My eyes wondered to the darkening clouds that hung over our heads - there was supposed to be a mean storm tonight.

She waved her hand at me and smiled. "Really, its okay I love walking."

The first ten minutes were silent. She had her arms folded around her middle and my hands were stuffed deep in my pockets. I kept glancing at her sideways and a couple of times I caught her doing the same with me. She was so different from Cathy, from her dark brown hair to her whole personna. Connie was reserved, and careful. Whereas Cathy was outspoken to the point of being rude.

Connie cleared her throat. "You know," she paused and looked at me. "I just realized I don't know the first thing about you." I raised my eyebrows and grinned.

"Really?" My voice shot up an octuval. "You haven't heard a thing about me?" She laughed, and blush crept up to her cheeks.

"Well I mean, sure, I've heard things, but its high school everyone talks about everyone." She dropped her arms down to her side and shrugged. "You can't believe everything you hear ya know."

I did know, but the sad part was that most of the rumors going around the school were true. I smiled inspite of the negitive thought and looked back over at her. "Whats there to know?"

"I don't know," she chuckled, "Um, so your a senior?" I nodded, feeling a rain drop hit my arm. "And you're on the track team." She stated this more than asked and that bothered me. I felt blush creep up to my face and shrugged.

"I guess." I mumbled really not wanting to go into that with her.

Lucky for me she caught my drift.

"Okay, now please don't take this the wrong way but," she paused and looked over. She even went so far as halting her walking - that killed me. "Did you really cut off Angela Shepard's hair?"

I laughed out loud at that one. "People really think that was me?" She nodded and shrugged looking up at the sky.

I rubbed a hand over my face. Angela Shepard was a real pain in my ass.

"No, I did not cut off her hair," I thought about Mark Jennings and where he was at now and I felt my heart sink. "I didn't date her either." I added just as she was opening her mouth to say something else. She laughed and placed a hand on my arm, and I was shocked at how warm she was. We continued walking again, I could see her house coming into view.

"I told you not to get upset!"

"I know, but she's..." I trailed off thinking of the right combination of words to describe someone like Angela. Thankfully, Connie beat me to it.

"She's a bit much." She said, still holding my arm. I looked at her and smiled, she knew the score.

We got to her house and I apologized one more time about the car. She insisted that it was okay, that the date was fun, and she kissed me on the cheek.

"I expect a phone call soon." She sassed, turning in her flats down her dark drive way. I waited until she was safely inside and noticed again the flowers that seemed to cover almost every aspect of the house. I wondered vaguely how they kept them alive in the winter, and made a mental note to ask her as I lit a cigarette and walked away.

It had occurred to me when I got home that I had not inquired a thing about her brother, and I knew Curly would be upset. I sighed and picked up the phone dialing his house number.

"What?" A deep voice bellowed, I swollowed and cleared my throat asking for Curly.

Even through a phone line Tim Shepard scared the ** out of me.

"Hold on a minute." I waited for a while, tipping my chair back on two legs.

Curly's voice popped on the line, and I slammed down on all fours again, "Who the hell is this?" he asked, and rolled my eyes.

"Nice man, its me, Pony." He chuckled lightly and I heard the faint click of a lighter.

"Lover boys back from his date!"

"Yeah, and your piece of shit car didn't have a thing to do with it."

"Whadda ya mean Curtis?" he asked. "My car's top of the line, purrs like a kitten." I laughed and shook my head which was still wet from the rain.

"Oh right, well you can pick it up infront of the Dairy Queen. I didn't want to ruin your fancy seats." I heard him curse under his breath and a crash in the background followed by more cursing.

"Sonofabitch."

"No shit." The front door to my house opened and Darry walked in making eye contact with me while dropping his tools on the floor next to the door. He mouthed a 'hurry up' and headed off to the bathroom. "Look man I gotta go, I left your keys in the glove box." I was about to hang up when I heard him call my name.

"I stopped by your place today left you a gift in your top drawer."

"You did what?" I asked, my head snapping around to my room even though I couldn't see my dresser.

"Ya, kinda like a thank you for helpin' me out," he coughed and continued, "its yours, keep it and enjoy it, ya dig?"

I nodded my head even though I knew he couldn't see it and hung up quickly, nearly falling over the coffee table trying to get to my room. I couldn't see any signs of anyone being in here, but I slowly pulled back the top drawer and automatically noticed the folded piece of lined paper with Curly's ugly hand writing scribbled across it telling me to enjoy it.

It was a baggy, filled half way with grass with rolling papers tucked neatly inside.

I sighed and shook my head. I knew I shouldn't keep it.

But I knew I would.


	6. Chapter Five

Enjoy, but please click the little button at the bottom and tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders or anything else that I do not own...

_Bonnie and Clide _was released in late 60's early 70's. Very popular amoung the younger crowd.

Dedication: To ME! Cause Its my birthday :)

* * *

><p>Chapter Five.<p>

_''Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress." Bruce Barton._

I stood there watching.

I knew he hadn't heard me come in.

His back was hunched over as he piled more things inside the cardboard box. I couldn't see his face, but I knew if I could it would hold no emotion. His face would be dead-pan on the task at hand and not even the strongest punch from the strongest man could break it.

It was the same face he had when he packed mom and dads stuff up.

He was stiff, almost robotic in his actions. I wasn't surpised. Thats how Darry dealt with things. He held his problems at arms length, always in view but just far enough away that they couldn't touch him. Then, once he got tired of looking at them, he packed them away. Just like he packed away their things.

Soda's things.

I coughed, hoping to catch his attention, to let him know that I was rhere. But he didn't respond. He just kept throwing all Soda's stuff in that damn box like no tomorrow. I said his name and still no answer.

Slowly I backed out of the room. A room that I once shared with both my brothers. Where we would get in trouble for talking too late at night and our mom would fuss about us having to go to school. A room where dad would tell us scary stories even after mom had told him not to. My heart broke a little, and I yearned for that connection again.

I turned away from Darry, and shut the door. Leaving him and all the memories behind.

XX

Curly tossed the ball back to me with vigour.

I jogged back lightly to catch it, the leather ball hitting me square in the chest causing me to suck in a breath.

"Glory man!" I wheezed, rubbing the sore spot, letting the football fall to the ground. Curly grinned and flipped me off.

"Don't be a whimp." He mumbled, eyeing a pretty blonde that looked vaguely fimilar to me, playing frisby in the nearby field. We were at Cleveland Park, just a little ways from Curlys house. There usually weren't alot of people around this time a year. Just avid runners and football junkies like Curly. "I know that broad from somewhere." He added, squinting his eyes alittle. I took a closer look too and snorted.

"Ya, you should." I said, picking the ball up off the ground. "You only dated her for three months."

Curly snapped his fingers at me and nodded. "Beatrice something..."

"Sarah."

"Right, right."

"Pathetic man."

He shrugged his shoulders and motioned me for the ball. I complied, tossing it to him. "Big rodeo headed to town this weekend." Curly said, twirling the ball in his hands looking at me. It was my turn to shrug.

"Ya I know." I mumbled, wiping sweat off my brow. Curly laughed, and shook his head.

"Ask her. I know for a fact that Connie and her brother use to ride in the junior radio the stables that the North side of town held a few years back remember?" I remembered all right. It was the one Soda had gotten hurt in just before mom and dad died.

The memory stung but I pushed it back and nodded.

"Ya okay, I will." He grinned at me and threw me the ball, it soared over my head, landing in a patch of bushes a few feet behind me. "Christ man, you should go out for football." I mumbled, turning to go get it.

He laughed out loud and hollered a "Oh ya with all my straight A's." Another sting unintended by Curly Shepard's words and I suddenly wasn't in the mood for football anymore.

XX

I called Connie when I got home, asking her if she wanted to catch a movie or something.

"When? Tonight?" She said, her voice gentle.

I cleared my throat. "Well yes, tonight. They have a new movie playing down at the Nightly Double, some film called Bonnie and Clyde."

"I'd love too!" We made arrangements for the time and I hung up. I looked around the house and sighed. It was quiet, the clock making a loud tick-tock every second. I wondered where Two-bit was, I hadn't seen him around in a while.

The sky was turning an orangey-red by the time I got to her house.

Curly had said he needed his car, he had a bunch of deliveres to make, so I huffed it.

I noticed an older lady outside as I was walking up the drive way.I slowed my pace, and stuck my hands in my pocket, not really in the mood to deal with this girl's parents. The wind blew and I shivered.

"Little too cold to be walking around town without a jacket son." Came a soft yet stern voice and I froze in my spot. Looking down at my bare arms.

"I forgot." I stuttered and the lady stood slowly wiping the dirt from the garden on her already soiled pants. She was no bigger than 5'foot and 100 pounds soaking wet, but she had eyes so dark they could stop you in your tracks. She placed her hands on her hips and stared at me. Her gray hair blowing softly in the wind; I felt awkward and struggled for something to say.

I looked at the garden behind her and took in all the flowers in the windows, and nodded toward them. "How do you get them to grow in this cold weather?" I asked, looking at her now. She didin't answer me right way, but when she did she spoke slow and clear.

"I just water em'" She started, never faultering her gaze upon me. "God makes' them grow."

I blinked, letting her words sink in.

"Ponyboy!" I heard a familiar voice yell. I broke the gaze of the lady in front of me at the sound of the front door slamming. I smiled, and noticed that Connie's attention wasn't on me anymore. She was staring at the slightly scary woman standing infront of me. "Hattie, what are you doing out here? You know daddy said for you to stay inside!" Connie said once she was close to us.

I watched the woman tisk her tongue and reach out for Connie's hand. "No need to fuss my lovely, just doing some weeding." Hattie turned her attention back to me.

"You two have fun." Though her voice was polite enough with the southern accent mixed in, I knew there was an underlying message somewhere.

Connie kissed her on the cheek and told her we would before reminding her to go inside. I turned to Connie and frowned. "Who is that?" I asked once Hattie was safely inside. Connie grabbed my arm to lead me toward the road.

"That is my Hattie, my moms mother."

"So your grandmo-" She cut me off with a "Shhh!".

"Do not let her hear you say that word," she stopped at the end and turned to look at me. "Trust me when I say that things go much easier if we keep her happy."

XXX

"Wow," Connie said, slipping her arm around me as the credits rolled. "That was one of the best movies I've seen lately."

I nodded my head in agreement. "I liked it too."

"So your friend didn't let you borrow his car tonight?" She asked, a hint of a smile playing on her face. I laughed, and shrugged.

"He had other things to do," I nudged her gently with my arm. "Besides, you love walking, remember?"

The way she smiled right than made me regret the action.

The night was colder than it had been earlier, the autumn leaves making a crunching sound under my feet. The moon was high in the sky, it was a big, full moon. Leaving me with a creepy feeling I use to get when Steve made me watch scary movies with him.

"There's a rodeo in town this weekend." She said, not looking at me but at the cars honking at each other in the street. I noticed her wave to a few girls and never once did she let go of my arm.

"You like rodeos?" I asked, even though I knew she did after my game of catch with Curly earlier that day. She tisked her tongue and patted my arm.

"Daddy says bragging is not very lady-like, Ponyboy," She teased, mocking the accent of a very posh sounding woman. "But, if I was to be honest?" She shot me a wry grin. "I was one of the best barrel racers in my division." I smiled at her and asked her if she wanted to go. When she agreed I thought I'd throw out some bait.

"So what about your brother? Does he like horses, too?"

Her smile faded a bit."That's one thing that hasn't changed about him. I'll ask if he wants to come?"

We were at her house by now and I told her sure. We stood there for a few minutes, the awkward tension of what was to come hung over our heads like a rain cloud. "So I really had a great time." She said in a small voice.

"So did I."

She coughed lightly and looked at her feet. I knew what she was waiting for. What does any girl waits for at the end of a date? I dipped my head down and gently kissed her on the lips, ignoring my head as it screamed for me to pull away.

It was over in a few seconds, her cheeks were flushed, and I couldn't tell if they were from the cold or not. She waved her hand a little and headed toward the house.

"See you friday?" She called once she reached the door step.

I hesitated.

And as I said my reply I felt the guilt weigh down on me like a ton of bricks.

"Lookin' forward to it."


End file.
